Letters to a Little Girl

     Hello again, my trusty blog. How I've missed you! It's been awhile since I've needed you like I used to - in a lonely New England town, on a ship thousands of miles away. This space used to bring me such comfort, knowing that I could at least put my words on a page because none of the people I knew and loved were there to hear them face-to-face. But now they are! And this beloved space has taken a back seat. But I do still have words, and life is forever offering up challenges and changes, and I am still grateful for this way of giving my heart's words a place to stretch their legs. So here goes again :)

     About a month and a half ago, Pat and I were surprised to find that we would be having a girl. A baby girl! I'll admit, this was not the news we were expecting. Somehow, my "knower" had convinced me I was having a boy (silly me), so for weeks we had been dreaming up what he would be like, and I just was giddy at the idea of having a mini-Patrick around! Needless to say, it took more than a moment to adjust my mind's trajectory.

     But then I had the sweetest of thoughts: we are going to have a daughter, and a daughter is a special thing indeed. I am a daughter. And I LOVED being a girl! I loved the relationship I had (and still have!) with my daddy. I loved mimicking my mommy at every turn. I loved being a big sister and having a new, built-in best friend. I look back on my childhood with the rosiest of glasses because it truly was beautiful how my parents took such delight from raising their little girl. And now it's our turn.

     So while I haven't exactly been blogging, I have been writing. I've been writing her letters. Nothing grandiose. Just my thoughts. Just words that may let her know her mom better someday. 

     I want to tell her that she is Precious; not for her looks, or her brains or any other merit she may have someday, but because she is a child of God. Plain and simple.

     I want to give her all of life's joys and spare her all of it's sorrows, but then she wouldn't be able to appreciate the richness of what it is to be human, and I could never steal that from her.

     I want her to know that she comes from a line of brave, God-fearing women who have made incredible sacrifices in their lives and come out stronger for it.

     I want to tell her my story, my triumphs and my mistakes so that she knows that no matter how hard you may fall, God is gracious and somehow makes Beauty out of our blunders.

     I want her to know that some men can't be trusted, but not all men are bad - her daddy and grandpa are living proof of that :)

     I want her to know that there is Right and there is Wrong, and that it's ok to ask the hard questions in pursuit of Truth.

     I want her to feel free to cry, no matter what people may say - there is no shame in giving your heart leave to weep over loss, struggle, injustice or pain (as Gandalf so eloquently puts it, "not all tears are an evil" :)

     I want her to know she is Loved unconditionally, that nothing she could ever do would separate her from us. 

     I want to give her room to be the person that she is meant to be, which means I will strive to hold her with open hands, give her room to fly like I was given, and rejoice with her no matter how far away her dreams may take her.

     I want her to know that I dreamed BIG for her, that I prayed hard for her, and that I loved her fiercely before I held her outside of my body.

Three more months to go - I can't wait to meet her :)