On the Road Again...

Preface: I've discovered this nifty little feature in the blogging world that allows you to link maps to your page. Watch out, blog, I'm dangerous now...

This past week Patrick and I officially completed our contract with Johns Hopkins!! I honestly can't believe how quickly the time went. Was April really that long ago??

We spent our last week saying goodbye to friends and coworkers, which was such a humbling experience. Never could we have known that so many kind and caring people would cross our paths. From new friends who so readily opened their hearts and homes, to old friends that resurfaced at just the right times...they were all a gift indeed. I wish I could have captured a photo of each of them, but my memory will have to suffice. Here are a couple I DID manage to catch!

One last visit to Rach and Esther in New York City - it won't be as bright a city without you

My sweet friend Jess and I outside the "historic buildings" of Hopkins, lol

Jamie Jam! My travel friend and yoga guru extraordinaire

Then, the perfect icing on the cake - my mom came to Baltimore :) 

She had vowed she would try to visit us girls out east before we went our separate ways, and by George she did! I got to show her some of my favorite neighborhoods, ferry her thru the Harbor via the water taxi, and treat her to Miss Shirley's amazing chicken and waffles - can't beat that. But mostly, it was such a blessing to enjoy the comfort that is your mother during times of transition. 

My sister and brother-in-law were able to make it up too, so we all got to be together (dad was there in spirit) one last time before the McHenry's headed west and the Rusk's headed south!

My radiant sister and I on packing day!

Goodbye dinner with the fan (minus dad!) at our favorite restaurant in Little Italy

Creek girls, always

And now, we set out on the longest drive either of us have ever attempted. 

Baltimore, Maryland to Spokane, Washington. 

View Larger Map

Just the thought of all these hours spent sitting makes me want to develop DVT's (nursing joke, lol). But we have planned for many a stretch break and will hopefully make it in good time. We officially head west tomorrow, propelled by our trusty Jeep, hauling our belongings in a U-haul - you know you're mobile when your possessions for daily life fit in an 8x4 trailer, lol. 

For me, this transition is bittersweet; I will miss the friends we made, and the nearness of my only sister. Despite the times that it didn't seem worth it, this season of our life turned out to be a big blessing. But we are excited to see the span of this country from the road, eager to be reunited with loved ones in the Northwest, and filled with anticipation for the next phase of our travel nursing journey!

Goodbye, in its' many forms

As nurses, we are supposed to master the art of saying goodbye. For we do it more often than most other professions. We meet a patient, care for them for 8-12 hours, and then at shift change we say goodbye. Not "see you later", because this may not be the case, but "goodbye". We are supposed to acknowledge that this brief encounter was only temporary, and keep ourselves separate from any "unprofessional attachment". I understand why this must be, but sometimes it's easier said than done. 

Now as travel nurses, we are coming to find that goodbyes are frequent not only at work, but in life. When an assignment ends we say goodbye to everything except each other, pack up our belongings, and head to the next place. And there we are expected to plug in, start fresh, invest in those around us - all while knowing that in a few months time we will start the goodbyes again. 

We say goodbye to friends,

to family,

to coworkers,

to cities,

to our dwelling places,

all the time.

A little over a week ago, we said goodbye to the most precious thing we've ever been responsible for. The goodbye that we never planned to say, that came much too soon, that utterly blindsided us. The loss has been overwhelmingly acute. And I have been wrestling with how to process it, to carry it, to live with it. I still don't have the words. But I know that I will never think a pet is "just a dog" ever again. But I digress; that grief is for another time.

Our assignment at Johns Hopkins is coming to a close this week. We are now preparing to say goodbye to the East Coast and all the people we cherish here - to my sister and brother-in-law in DC, and our dear friends scattered up north and in Baltimore. To call their presence in our lives a blessing would be an understatement. But the goodbye is so near, and we don't know when we will share our next meal or conversation or hug with them. It has been such a gift to share life with them all, and I wouldn't trade the experiences we've had out here, but I catch myself resenting the fact that it can't last. 

This is one of the hardest parts of what we have chosen to do. We are always leaving. And while I love the life we lead and the adventure we are on, I sometimes wonder why we put ourselves through it. 

Then I am reminded - by the Lord, by my husband, by those near and far who care about us - that there is a richness of life gained only by letting go. That I can't fully taste the sweetness of togetherness if I haven't felt the loneliness of separation. That I can only appreciate the gifts I've been given if they've been whittled down to what really matters. That, as cheesy as it sounds, I can only love truly once I've loved and lost. 

I am so thankful that most goodbyes in my life have been merely "see you later"s. And I am forever grateful for the people God has placed along the path we've journeyed thus far. In about a month that path will take us across an ocean, putting everyone we know and love further from reach than they've ever been. I pray that He would prepare our hearts for the many goodbyes we will make, and that He would keep us soft and open toward those He puts before us each day.

Kindling flame (no, this is not about Hunger Games)

Hello, nightfall. It's me again, having one of my after-hour ponderings while my husband is at work and my puppy dog snores in the corner. Ah, to be awake while the world sleeps...or at least the Western Hemisphere, lol. 

I realized today that this week marks three months of our living and working in Baltimore. This sounds like so short a time, and yet our arrival in April seems a distant memory. I think about our time here, and how much we may have changed. In general, I believe we have grown, done well and gleaned good things from being here. And yet, I know there are things I have picked up here in Baltimore that I'm not so proud of.

I guess what I really want to talk about right now is influence. The concept has been floating around in my thoughts for the past few days. Actually, if I'm honest I have been really convicted lately, and God keeps flinging that word at my brain.

INFLUENCE. 

Who are you influencing? 

What are you influenced by?

I looked up some of its synonyms for fun and came up with things like to brainwash, manipulate, or sway - all a bit too negative for my liking. But then my eyes came to rest on a simple phrase that sums it up for me: to carry weight. To influence is to be the heavier in the equation, to stand firmly, to pull others toward you like gravity. It suggests having an almost captivating magnetism. And during times past, I think I've had that.

But I think I've been slowly losing it out here. I notice the change most when I am least guarded. My tongue is sharper, my thoughts more cynical, my assessment of others more judgmental. At times I am slow to empathize, quickly defensive, downright selfish. 

And my driving...let's not talk about it. 

This place is so very different than the place I come from. It feels downright hostile sometimes. And I think I have bristled in response to it, grown a thicker skin, turned in some ways harder 

- to my own detriment.

You see, we all vacillate between being either influencers or  "influence-ees"; either we are impacting the world around us, or we are allowing it to impact us. 

So don't misunderstand me, this change isn't Baltimore's fault - it's my own.

Because I have carried less weight. I have allowed my flame to be dimmed instead of casting my little light into the far reaches of the darkness. This is what we're called to do as Christians, isn't it? Shine brightly. Be the Salt of the Earth. In essence, Influence. Not in order to draw people to ourselves, but to draw them to Him.

And I want that. To carry weight, in my countenance and my words, everyday. To shine, regardless of what or who surrounds me. Thankfully I still see glimpses of that in my life - being able to bless a patient with just a smile and sincere squeeze of the hand, uplifting a friend when they need it most, loving my husband and family well. All gifts, all moments when I had the chance to impact for good and I took it. I pray I take them far more often. Who knows how far-reaching such impact can be?

I'll leave you with a poem that a dear friend of mine introduced me to years ago.

Blessed is the match consumed in kindling flame

Blessed is the flame that burns in the secret fastness of the heart

Blessed is the heart with strength to stop its beating for honor's sake

Blessed is the match consumed in kindling flame 

- Hannah Senesh

More love (letters, that is)

So I'm going to take a break from the norm - talking about OUR lives, dreams, and adventures - and I am going to introduce you to someone and something beautiful. Her name is Hannah and she is the founder of The World Needs More Love Letters. Patrick and I met this vibrant twenty-something back at our church in New Haven and were immediately intrigued by her passion, for she is a professional love letter writer.

Copyright Tiffany Farley 2012

Ever heard of one? Me neither!

But this gal IS one, and the idea is going some BIG places.

It all started in 2010 in New York City. Young girl goes to the Big Apple and finds it a lonely place indeed. But the difference is that this girl turned her loneliness out with the stroke of a pen. She began to write letters. Her subjects? The strangers on the Train she rode next to everyday. She would write and leave them in the most unexpected places - cafes, park benches, anywhere. One letter turned to ten turned to twenty, and soon she had written the city of New York four hundred love letters.

(Not love as in romance. That would be silly) 

I mean LOVE - as in unconditional care for another. Because we are all on the same journey and need to be reminded we're not alone, we matter, and someone out there thinks we're worthy.

She invited others to join her. And not even two years later, her idea has gone global. Over four thousand letters have been written to people on six continents, all in the name of telling strangers they are loved. Her project has been noticed by the Wall Street Journal, the White House, and Oprah. Yep.

Apparently she is onto something.

People have bought into this simple idea in droves. Why? Because in this world of technological advancement, what we all still seek at its most basic is true connection. We long for words of affirmation, spoken in truth, sent straight to the heart. I think this is what Hannah is trying to accomplish. And I think that's something worth getting behind.

Please have a peek at her organization and her story. She can tell it in better words than I can!

A Breath of Fresh Washington

Hello Washington, it's been so long since I've had the pleasure! I'll have you know that I now believe absence truly does make the heart grow fonder - at least in relation to location :) After nearly six months away, Patrick and I made the multi-flight trek back to our home state for a long-awaited visit, which featured a particularly lovely event - my only sister's wedding. 

For those of you who know Michelle, you'll know what I mean when I say she was a radiant bride. It's a strange thing, to try to imagine your little sister stepping into the shoes of a woman so effortlessly. Last I checked, wasn't she supposed to be 12...? 

But sometime during the past 10 years she has grown into this amazing person who is ready to join lives with another amazing person. For her fiancé (now husband) is just that. She planned the entire wedding from across the country and pulled it off beautifully - not only because she IS beautiful, but because she was the essence of certainty. 

There is something truly captivating about a woman who knows herself.

I've never been a Matron of Honor before (tangent - I really struggled with that word: matron. For me, it invokes images of long pastel dresses with large puffed sleeves...ugh) but it was great, because being the MoH literally translates to "do everything with the bride!" So I got to accompany her to venue checks, hair appointments and emergency Rite Aid runs. Read: super fun! I also had a stellar line up of bridesmaids to work with. They not only helped me plan awesome pre-wedding fun from all corners of the US, but they genuinely love my sister. There's nothing better than that :)

Wedding day, Saturday 6/9/12 - Highlights for me included a morning limo ride with coffee and donuts  to get the bridal party's hair done, retrieving a McChicken for the bride an hour before the ceremony, and having a front row to my dad's final daughter speech. The best man's was nice, and I think I said something pretty good (I can't remember now, lol), but no one can top Mr. Creek :)

It was an all-day affair, as weddings are for the wedding party, but I hardly noticed. There was too much good stuff happening! It wasn't until 10pm, after the last centerpiece was packed and leftover cheesecake boxed, that we made our way to my parent's home for one last night. It was the most serene evening, sitting with them in our old living room. Like a big exhale. 

The day was done and all was well. 

The next day we left for Spokane, my second hometown. I literally took no pictures of these three days, even though we saw many a loved one. I think I was too busy absorbing it all into my heart - yes, I just said that cheesy thing. But I mean it! Watching the city's skyline unfold as we crested I-90 heading north was like stepping into a familiar hug. I know this place and it knows me. Something you might take for granted until you've trod the streets of much bigger, less personal places. 

We filled each day to the brim, meeting friends at every turn. We went to our home church with our home Smallgroup. We enjoyed many of our favorite restaurants and also dined at new locales. We got up early, we stayed up late. And we had those talks with friends that can only happen face to face - the really good ones. Needless to say, we left with hearts full. 

Oh, did I mention that nearly this entire week in Washington it was either overcast or raining? The air was so crisp and cool, so starkly different from the humid heatwave back East. It literally hailed the night before we left, and we just stood on the stoop of our friend's home, watching, being splashed from time to time. Breathing deep, it was like being washed clean. 

We flew out the next day and were in Baltimore before we knew it. Back in this city full of strangers, the wedding just a memory - the week, done and gone. And everyone we saw now 2,500 miles away. But I love that they are there. I love that Eastern Washington goes on existing while we are so very far from it. Because no matter where we go, a big part of me will always be from there, and will (hopefully) always return there.

Unexpected, and pleasantly so :)

Ok - So I had this whole plan to post a blog about the month of May and all the great people we've met  and cool places we've been, but I just can't even type any of that right now. 

I'm currently sitting across from Patrick as he reads off name after name from our donor site of all the people who have chosen to support our Mercy Ships journey. I am so incredibly stunned right now. Like I literally can't stop smiling and crying here at our friendly neighborhood Starbucks... lol, I think I'm freaking people out. The list is long, and surprising! Made up of both close friends and family, and people we haven't seen in years. People we didn't even think to ask and people much more financially tight than we are. All of these beautiful people saying in one strong voice that they believe in what we're doing enough to give what they have to send us out. It's insanely humbling. 

The crazy part is that we are already halfway to our need being met, in less than a month! We had hoped for this kind of outflowing, but never did we anticipate where it would come from. Just when I think I know how things are going to come about, God has a way of taking my expectations and flipping them on their head. So instead of trying to guess the how, I think I ought to focus on expressing my thanks as best I can. Some gifts can feel too great; I often feel that by putting words to my thanks, the gift is somehow diminished. But there is freedom in calling a gift what it is, and not being ashamed to receive when a cause is just. That by naming it, by thanking the giver, the need is actually dignified, the receiver is free from indebtedness, and the giver in turn is blessed by the acknowledgement that the gift cannot be repaid. Nor should it, if I dare say so - which frees us to pass it on! Ok, enough of my ramblings on this for now, though I can't promise there won't be more in the future :)

So about that month of May!

We've had our heads down, working away like busy bees (on opposite shifts, might I add). But we've managed to sneak in a few fun excursions around Maryland. And to my surprise, I think I really like this state! It's incredibly green and lush in the interior, but also has these vast sandy beaches - NOT what I expected to find. Below are some snapshots of our last few weeks of adventures, enjoy!

First major league baseball game together!

Camden yard is awesome, let's go O's!

One of the special finds of my time at Johns Hopkins has been a gal named Jessica. She and her husband and two lovely puppy dogs treated us to a hike, east coast style!

The backseat crew on our way to Harper's Ferry

Along the Appalachian trail!

Our fearless leaders, Jessica and Ruddy!

She needed a dunk in a big way, panting girl!

Our latest adventure was a post-Labor day trip to the coast. This entailed a three hour drive from Baltimore over the Chesapeake Bay and to the very edge of this land. The weather was amazing, and the beach incredible! Our only regret is not packing the sunscreen, lol

Road trip to Ocean City!

Giddy kite-flyer :))

Strange wall of crazy

Our kite!

Soakin' up the Atlantic sun!

Next up: The much-anticipated west coast jaunt for the sister's wedding, I can hardly contain my excitement!!

The Mercy Ships journey to come

As I type this it's past 2:00 am and I'm sitting alone in our apartment's wifi lounge listening to my Hans Zimmer pandora channel. My husband is at work, my dog passed out hours ago: such is the life of a night shifter. I will tell you, working nights is one of the more isolating but also liberating experiences I've had. There is this abundance of alone time, which can feel quite suffocating. But on the other hand, you're able to fill that time with all the right stuff, if you have the willpower. And one of the biggest thoughts filling my time right now is Mercy Ships.

Mercy Ships...once this far off thing that could maybe happen someday is now this fast-approaching reality that we will join in just four short months. I've been looking forward to this for years, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out a little bit, lol. I had promised more details about this endeavor, and I believe now is that time. 

Back in nursing school days, I heard one of the gals from Whitworth mention an organization called Mercy Ships. She said it was a global charity that provided free healthcare to the poor in places like Africa via cruise ships turned hospitals. They performed surgeries, mended congenital deformities and the wounds inflicted by war. And everyone onboard these ships, from doctors to janitors, not only does their job for free, they actually PAY to be there.

What?? 

I had never heard of anything like this. At the time, I knew that I had picked nursing for more than just a future paycheck. I wanted to do something meaningful, to touch people's lives. And I had already been bitten by the travel bug. So I was fascinated by these extraordinary people who would give their time and money to be part of such a worthy cause so very far from home. "Someday," I told myself, "I will do that..."

Flash forward some six years. Since graduating from college I have moved more than half a dozen times, worked in four excellent hospitals, and married the husband I never thought I would, to my great delight!! And through all these changes, Mercy Ships has never been far from my thoughts. But it wasn't until Pat came along that it felt like a tangible dream. Here was the person I had been waiting for, the someone who could come alongside me and do this adventure with me! What a beautiful gift.

And now it comes to it. The plane tickets are purchased. In four months, we will actually go. What a strange feeling; to be on the brink of something you've only imagined for so long. And with this shift from imagined to realized comes the real life preparation - the vaccines, the insurance, the goodbyes you know you'll say, albeit hopefully just temporarily. And the finances - Lord knows this in itself is a sizable mental adjustment. Saying you'll do your job for free for three months and actually doing it are two very different things. 

So after much thought and prayer, Patrick and I are doing something we never do (writing letters) to ask our family and friends for something we never ask for (money). It may sound silly, but this is one of the most intimidating things I've ever done. I'm a grown adult. I pride myself on being self-sufficient. So it takes a significant amount of humility for me to ask others for help, no matter how awesome the cause.

I've never been one for fear. I find it to be an unreliable emotion; quick to betray you, make you imagine the worst. But if I'm honest, I'm afraid that we will come up short here. That somehow this will all fall thru and we won't be able to go after all. But, a dear friend of mine once told me that fear is just unbelief. Do I believe that we are meant to do this? Do I believe that God will take care of us? The answer must be yes. And if that's the case, then there's really nothing to be afraid of at all. He's already got it covered :)

-Emily

PS: If you'd like to come alongside us, please visit our donor website!

http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/mchenryp/